Like most young people, my introduction to sex was by stumbling across porn, which was both intriguing and terrifying. From what I saw, sex appeared to be very cis, straight, white and created for the male gaze. Thankfully, as I’ve grown, I’ve found sex is so much more than what porn portrays.
"You also don’t need to be having sex at all to feel in touch with your sexuality. Sexy is a state of mind."
My relationship with my sexuality has deepened as I’ve grown older and come to know myself more. I’ve always had an understanding of my capacity for sexuality, and am an inherently curious person. Over time, exploration has allowed me to reflect on what I think I’d like, and then discover if I actually like it. When you’re young, you unconsciously learn you need to please others before thinking of yourself. This certainly applies to sex. I am glad to have unlearned those ‘rules’.
I feel most connected to my sexuality when I’m exploring. The ability to experiment requires a supportive and communicative relationship with myself first and foremost, and also with my partner. This allows me to feel safe to explore as I want to, according to my own rules.
The greatest lesson I’ve learnt is that sex is ultimately about your own pleasure. Whether you’re having sex often, occasionally, with a single partner, with many partners, or solo – advocate for what you want! Try things until you find out what you like and where you like it, and let your partner or partners know. You also don’t need to be having sex at all to feel in touch with your sexuality. Sexy is a state of mind.
